Laura Miller, LMSW has penned a great piece for Behavioral Psych Studio about “school refusal,” which refers to an individual’s difficulty to attend school often due to emotional distress. We found this piece both illuminating to specific challenges some students face and super informative in how to work with them to increase attendance. If you’ve had trouble getting your children to attend school, especially virtually, this piece is a must-read.
From BPS: An Open Letter to Parents Navigating the College Application Process →
Our friends at Behavioral Psych Studio have an amazing blog where they share their wisdom on navigating many issues relating to children and teenagers. Laura Miller, LMSW recently penned this spot-on open letter to parents navigating the college application process and we want to share it with you. Students applying to college absolutely need support, but it should be aimed at making them independent and truer versions of themselves. “Remember, proofreading and grammar checking is okay, but colleges want to hear your child’s unique student perspective, not yours.“ Exactly!
Supporting Your Child When the School Day Looks Different
Most are finding that the back-to-school season feels different this year than in years past. Whether your child is attending school remotely, doing a hybrid model, participating in pod learning, or learning in any other format, the following tips are designed to help you support your child in having successful school days in the weeks and months ahead.
Create routines (and enforce them!). Children thrive when their lives feel consistent. At the same time, some struggle when being told what to do. Rather than telling your child what their routine is going to be, create one collaboratively. Decide together whether your child will get dressed “for school” in the morning, where in your home your child will learn, and how they can reach you if they need you throughout the day. Depending on your child’s age, it may be worthwhile to create a schedule that is visual and easily understandable so that your child can reference it throughout the day. Redirect your child back to the routines (and reiterate that you established them together) when they get off track.
Distinguish the school day from afterschool time. Brainstorm ways to separate the school day from afterschool time (for example, a 1 hour screen break or a walk down the street) so that your child feels a separation between school and the rest of their life. While there may be afternoon and evening requirements — such as activities, homework time, or family dinners — you can still find small ways for your child to make decisions around how time is spent, such as having your child choose the dinner conversation or picking a game to play before bed. Finally, remember to schedule in “unstructured time” so that your child can flex their creative muscles and feel in control of how they spend their free time.
Set up rewards to mark the passage of time. Landmarks — such as bells that indicate that it’s time to switch classes and classroom decorations that change with the season — help kids conceptualize the passage of time, which can increase their motivation to be productive. Consider ways to show your kids that time is still moving forward, such as having dinner in the park every Friday or planning a movie night for the last day of the month. Make the countdown to these events visual so that your child is reminded daily of what they’re working toward.
Acknowledge that your child’s day-to-day struggles may change. All children face challenges in school, however those challenges may look different now than they did a year ago. Many kids are feeling isolated, adjusting to learning via video platforms, and managing uncertainty about what the rest of the school year will look like. Give yourself permission to be unsure of what is so challenging about this school year for your child. Sometimes observing and acknowledging that there is a challenge at all is enough.
That being said, cope ahead for potential challenges. Think in advance about how you’ll handle the more predictable challenges when they arise by asking yourself “What can I say?” and “What can I do?” Consider the following example:
Challenge: I see my child texting during a remote class.
What I can say: “I noticed that you were texting during class. It made me concerned that you might not be having a hard time focusing. I can imagine it’s really hard to focus when school looks so different.”
What I can do: Ask my child to brainstorm solutions with me. Set a limit about phone use during school hours. Think of rewards I can offer my child if they go a week without phone use during school hours.
Validate loneliness and find creative ways to socialize. One of the simplest ways you can help your child navigate missing being in person with their peers and teachers is by validating. Rather than saying, “Why don’t you just call a friend if you’re feeling lonely?” or “We’re all lonely right now. That’s just how it is,” use an “It makes sense” statement to communicate to your child that their feelings — whatever they are — are okay. Allow the validation (“It makes sense that you’re feeling lonely and missing your friends. I can see that this is so hard for you”) to sink in before moving into problem solving, such as suggesting your child do homework while on a muted phone call with a friend or plan a socially distant playdate.
Keep in mind that every challenging school day that passes by this year is an opportunity for your child to practice invaluable skills — in tolerating uncertainty and coping with anxiety, among others — that will come in handy down the line. And remember that your support is an invaluable part of this learning process!
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Brooke Schwartz is a Social Worker and Psychotherapist located in Los Angeles, California. She specializes in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), an evidence-based treatment which focuses on increasing emotion regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness, and interpersonal effectiveness.
Websites:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/bstschwartz/
